You know when you’re writing a story, and then you have absolutely no idea where to take it, or when you look at it you just wonder, couldn’t I make this better? Then you look at solutions or new ideas, but you’re demotivated because those ideas are hard to implement or because you don’t have the expertise to do it properly? Or you look at something so neat and tidy, and you see that some really ugly stuff showed up between those tidy things, and suddenly all you want to do is restart the damn thing?
I call that being brain-stuck.
It’s not a scientific term. It’s just a name I’ve given to it so I don’t have to explain to myself why the heck am I using such a long description. And that’s exactly what’s happening to me right now. Allow me to explain further…
Try as you might (and oy! I’ve tried), you will never be able to push through a project without bumps. Even if you’re in a strict project where nothing goes without a client’s input, you will always reach the point where you can’t look at what you’re doing anymore. It started out as being good, great even! But as time passes by, the quality slider in your brain just starts decreasing and decreasing its value, until you look at the whole product, and the brain gets stuck.
I’m feeling that with Killplex.
It started out as having good code, great even! But as time passed by, the code’s quality and feature consistency just started decreasing and decreasing, until I looked at what I have, and now I got stuck. It’s up to a point where I have so much code that I don’t even remember half of it. And that’s why games get canned, sometimes.
Now, relax. I’m not canning Killplex. I’m just brain-stuck.
I’ve had people (ahem, @Nundril, @NimikEd) giving me wonderful feedback. The problem is, I only have concrete feedback from three, maybe four people, tops. When I ask about the game to any other person, the indifference factor just goes through the roof, some even hating the mere idea of even trying the game. And that crippled my brain. A lot.
Now, I’m not complaining that I should get good feedback. The only complaint here is that I should be at a stage where bad or null feedback would encourage me to work harder and make this game a lot better. Unfortunately, that’s not what’s happening, and Nundril was a witness to a lot of the brooding I’ve been doing these last couple of weeks. I’ve been tired to a point where I can’t even look at Visual Studio, because it reminds me of a project that has failed to captivate.
Maybe it’s too soon, maybe it’s not complete yet, maybe it’s this, maybe it’s that. I can run around on these all day. So I’m deciding: to hell with it.
I’m an optimization junkie. I can’t live without taking my own code apart and making it run faster. But if that means that more time and brain power will be lost because of it, then I’m forcing myself to shatter that notion, and just rolling with the punches. Does that make me a bad developer? Maybe. Maybe I won’t think so thoroughly about a feature I want to include, perhaps I will structure stuff that later will require rewrites, but if it means I will have fun coding again, then screw it.
It all comes down to fun. And I want to make Killplex a fun game to play. Now I just need to implement these (and then Beta 1 will automagically transform into Beta 2):
- Capture the Flag
- Payload (based on TF2)
- Hunting (based on Hidden: Source)
- Server management
I will try to release v17 tomorrow, with some fixes and changes. And then, it’s fun modes for all.